Anyway all that to say this weekend, when someone innocently said " It is really late notice and I am sure you already have plans..." something instantly clicked inside of me before I had even heard what the offer was. I realized how very sad it was that I was on the brink of spending Easter in isolation and had somehow thought that would be OK. Last 4th of July I actively sought out something to do with people, but Easter, the pinnacle of the Christian calendar, and I wanted to spend it alone? Certainly many a Sabbath is necessarily spent quietly in one's home resting and relaxing, but Easter is a day for celebration WITH each other. I talk about community openly, but I also openly admit I don't always like practicing it. Sometimes it just doesn't come naturally. So thank you someone for saving my Easter, and may the Easter Bunny hide the Myers-Briggs somewhere no one will find it.
Anyway all that to say this weekend, when someone innocently said " It is really late notice and I am sure you already have plans..." something instantly clicked inside of me before I had even heard what the offer was. I realized how very sad it was that I was on the brink of spending Easter in isolation and had somehow thought that would be OK. Last 4th of July I actively sought out something to do with people, but Easter, the pinnacle of the Christian calendar, and I wanted to spend it alone? Certainly many a Sabbath is necessarily spent quietly in one's home resting and relaxing, but Easter is a day for celebration WITH each other. I talk about community openly, but I also openly admit I don't always like practicing it. Sometimes it just doesn't come naturally. So thank you someone for saving my Easter, and may the Easter Bunny hide the Myers-Briggs somewhere no one will find it.
As I 've grown older, learned to think critically about my faith, and my faith upbringing, I have often found myself needing to rediscover grace and re-examine the use of shaming in my faith development (thank you Philip Yancey and
Brene Brown). This has often been incredibly freeing and life-giving. I am convinced this has been a necessary process. The problem then comes in the discernment of moments of true brokenness that need attention, not dismissal. If I might deal in conjecture, I would be willing to bet many recovering fundamental evangelicals* are in the same boat. We have so rejected the shame that we have forgotten how to both talk about and identify sin.
In retrospect, I believe in part it is difficult to be "sad" on Good Friday, because in a linear story, I already knew what Sunday would bring. We are Easter people. Aren't we? We are people of the resurrection, people who have been delivered from sin and death which we celebrate on Sundays, but in particular on Easter. I don't want Good Friday, because it is a reminder that I don't always live in light of Easter. Many a someone told me "once saved, always saved" so I forgot that my wretched heart still needs saving. That my sin is still sin, and it is ugly. I've been particularly reminded this week of this as I've watched good people hurt other good people. People who all around know better, believe better, preach better, but live as less. Live without Easter. Stuck in limbo. I hate Good Friday, and throw in Good (or awful) Saturday too, because it reminds me that Easter isn't just for those poor lost souls who need to come to our broken churches so they can"hear the gospel and get saved" (avoiding another topic for another day, but geez how many times have I read that on Facebook in the last hour). Easter is for you and me, dear Christian friends, that still need saving. That desperately need Jesus to come out of that grave and conquer SIN and death. In my heart, in my home, and in my church, and in my world. Come quickly LORD, come.
*I went back and forth with this terminology, obviously the definitions are debatably and often more connotative than denotative. I'm hoping no semantical arguments insure, that is, if anyone is actually reading.
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