Kyle Lake, pastor of UBC Waco, died 10 years ago today. Most of you reading this will know the details well.
I didn’t know Kyle Lake. Although we never met, he was a light in the darkness for me, as I secretly sat in my church context reading with hope and curiosity every piece of work I could find on/about/by the emergent church movement. I was crushed. Even in his death, and the responses to his cause of death, I was spurred further away from my church context without any idea where I might be able to move toward. ( Translation: I wasn’t Southern Baptist in my heart of hearts, not in what the SBC had become and everything in me ached, groaned under the strain of a doctrine that was slowly eating away at my being, but what where else could I turn, if leaving my faith wasn’t an option? Was it my only option?) I had no idea I would find myself one day, walking the same halls of the church I had secretly followed, entering a seminary to preach my first summer in the Kyle Lake Center for Effective Preaching.
Kyle died ten years ago, I have been a part of his former congregation for the last five. I have watched as others have struggled to make sense of what happened. I entered a church that had to figure out it was ok to find light and laughter. There were many moments of stagnation in the fear of not knowing what Kyle would have done. I’ve watched people hurt each other over this very issue, even if only one, subtle underlying motivation for a particular decision. I’ve felt at times, this isn’t my story, and I can commune as best as possible in other people’s joy, memory, grief, and loss, but it is not my experience. It’s not my place to enter in. And yet, as I look back over the last 5 years, I see that I have leaned in with an intensity devoid of avoidance for the fear of the pain of church life (though absolutely not devoid of that pain). I have poured myself out into the middle of a story that I get to help write. I am undeniably formed by Kyle’s last words. I am undeniably formed by his legacy. I am undeniably formed, confronted, challenged, discouraged, supported, inspired by the people who carry Kyle’s legacy. In this messy business of church, I choose to continue the story. I choose to continue to ask what it means to Love God, Embrace Beauty and Live Life to the Fullest.
In his last, unpreached sermon Kyle wrote:
And here I think God is saying to each of us, “Abandon your plans of escape. And Be where you are. Plant gardens and live and live well.” I don’t know what your planting gardens may look like but let me end there by trying to provide a glimpse into what that may be like:
Live. And Live Well.
BREATHE. Breathe in and Breathe deeply. Be PRESENT. Do not be past. Do not be future. Be now.
On a crystal clear, breezy 70 degree day, roll down the windows and FEEL the wind against your skin. Feel the warmth of the sun.
If you run, then allow those first few breaths on a cool Autumn day to FREEZE your lungs and do not just be alarmed, be ALIVE.
Get knee-deep in a novel and LOSE track of time.
If you bike, pedal HARD… and if you crash then crash well.
Feel the SATISFACTION of a job well done—a paper well-written, a project thoroughly completed, a play well-performed.
If you must wipe the snot from your 3-year old’s nose, don’t be disgusted if the Kleenex didn’t catch it all… because soon he’ll be wiping his own.
If you’ve recently experienced loss, then GRIEVE. And Grieve well.
At the table with friends and family, LAUGH. If you’re eating and laughing at the same time, then might as well laugh until you puke. And if you eat, then SMELL. The aromas are not impediments to your day. Steak on the grill, coffee beans freshly ground, cookies in the oven. And TASTE. Taste every ounce of flavor. Taste every ounce of friendship. Taste every ounce of Life. Because-it-is-most-definitely-a-Gift.
Live. And Live Well.
BREATHE. Breathe in and Breathe deeply. Be PRESENT. Do not be past. Do not be future. Be now.
On a crystal clear, breezy 70 degree day, roll down the windows and FEEL the wind against your skin. Feel the warmth of the sun.
If you run, then allow those first few breaths on a cool Autumn day to FREEZE your lungs and do not just be alarmed, be ALIVE.
Get knee-deep in a novel and LOSE track of time.
If you bike, pedal HARD… and if you crash then crash well.
Feel the SATISFACTION of a job well done—a paper well-written, a project thoroughly completed, a play well-performed.
If you must wipe the snot from your 3-year old’s nose, don’t be disgusted if the Kleenex didn’t catch it all… because soon he’ll be wiping his own.
If you’ve recently experienced loss, then GRIEVE. And Grieve well.
At the table with friends and family, LAUGH. If you’re eating and laughing at the same time, then might as well laugh until you puke. And if you eat, then SMELL. The aromas are not impediments to your day. Steak on the grill, coffee beans freshly ground, cookies in the oven. And TASTE. Taste every ounce of flavor. Taste every ounce of friendship. Taste every ounce of Life. Because-it-is-most-definitely-a-Gift.
I would never have guessed 10 years ago the community, formed by these words, would mean the world to me. To be able to do all this complicated living with these people is most certainly a gift.